“Gil’s All Fright Diner” serves up a satisfying, scary main course

On a recent forage into the haunted and ghostly corner of a tony, upscale, and astonishingly bright bookstore, I discovered a garishly embellished softcover with the unlikely and totally camp title of Gil’s All Fright Diner. Forging bravely onward, I encountered a strong opening that reached evilly from its pages and clutched me about the heart—not surprising, given it is a horror tale. The introductory scene is almost homespun poetry—a banjo-twanging presentation of an everyday occurrence. Imagine two crude and rude good-old-boys meandering down the road in an ancient pickup, hosing beer in quantity, cursing profusely, hitting every miserable pothole in sight, and running on a nearly empty fuel tank—except Duke is a werewolf, Earl is a vampire, and the derelict diner where the truck finally wheezes to a stop sports a paranormal infestation.

At that point, I was sucked in, and plunked down all my loose change to purchase the book. As the tale evolves, Duke and Earl must work to rid the town of the weird happenings and save the entire universe from the forces of evil. In case you hadn’t guessed, Duke and Earl are good guys.

Author A. Lee Martinez has gotten the details right: from the small, rural, hick town of Rockwood (somewhere in a nameless regional desert) to the lively cast of characters and creatures inhabiting the pages. I was amused to meet Tammy, a not-quite-18-year-old sex goddess who chants incantations and swears in ig-pay atin-lay—a rather remarkable achievement. Tammy also is instrumental in bringing evil to full swing. Her counterpart is Loretta, an aging, frowsy, and overweight blonde waitress who has a heart of gold and takes a shine to Duke, or maybe it’s Earl. (I forget.)

Plots and diversions abound in this little horror tale. Can Earl and Duke save the entire universe and life as we know it from the forces of genuine evil? Does Tammy’s mother have any clue as to how the sweet, but wicked, sex goddess amuses herself in her spare time? How do ghouls and zombies differ? What happened to the original diner owner? Do you really think I’m going to answer any of these questions?

Gil’s All Fright Diner is the author’s first, and I always like to catch an author on the debut. Martinez, in a moment of inspired genius, has dedicated the book to himself as first in a list. (In my opinion, if you’re dealing in the absurd and the ridiculous, it’s best to make it obvious.) If you sometimes like cheesy, light reading, and horror that really isn’t too awful, you’ll probably also want to reserve a seat at Gil’s. It’s surprisingly perceptive, droll, and wicked—wicked good, even. Here’s hoping Martinez continues to write more adventures of the cornpone vampire and the belly-scratching werewolf who cruise the highway in an aging, trashed-out vehicle. Such a fine portrait!

Editor’s note: It doesn’t feature Duke or Earl, but In the Company of Ogres was recently published by Martinez and looks like more campy fun.